you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
porn star boner night. come get it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
