last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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