Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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