tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
