My nipple is on Facebook.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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