Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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