i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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