Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
