Soap is not a condiment
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
