making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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