Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
