they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
