You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
