so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
