the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
