After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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