Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
