the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
