capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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