i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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