Your face is a jimmy john
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
