why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
