my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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