It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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