You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
