I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
