are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
