the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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