I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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