sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
