i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
