just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
