oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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