My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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