but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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