I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
