I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
