Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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