I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
