You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
