Your mouth is God's brothel.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
