Life is so much better after having sex.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
