this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
