you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
