Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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