A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
