Cold hands, warm shart.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
