And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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