Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My balls are so social today.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
