Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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