Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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